it's been a long time old friend...

yup, im still alive. so here is an update...

I have a 14 month old daughter now. she is the light of my life. all that work i did back then was to have the privilege of being her mom. and here we are. the only real issue is that i am fatter then i have ever been. so now i have to make a change and start all over again. I started at 230 two weeks ago and now I'm at 223. tomorrow is weigh in day. i haven't been working out but i have been pretty active. I've been doing a lot of baby wearing and walking, but i know it isn't enough. i like to feel strong. i dont feel strong. i feel weak. i hate feeling weak. and i actually want another baby. we are taking a trip to MI at the end of July and Im hoping to lose enough before then to get my cycle back. this is why im starting to write again. i find that I am drawing strength from writing. kinda like a self psych up! i dont belong to my gym anymore, and that sucks because i loved it. it was hard to do with G around and she didnt tolerate the daycare center there. they would come get me about 10 minutes after i left her and i would have to leave. she is a momma's girl bigtime. gotta love her. my apartment complex has a gym, but its small and dirty and doesnt have air conditioning so its really hot and stinky in there. im thinking about ordering a work out on dvd and hopefully i can do some of that while G naps. also it might give Husband a chance to get a little work out as well. I wish i could go back to my gym, but its not in the cards right now. I would write more but G is insisting on nursies. also forgive the typos and misspellings. i didnt have time to edit properly!

i dont back down

thats what makes it so good. if i fail or i take a step back, it never stops me from trying again. a few weeks on, and then a screw up. statistically speaking, im heading in the right direction with every attempt. someone did a study (i just read about it so i cant remember who) that people who keep trying to lose weight, who have slip ups but who continue to try again, not only lose more weight, but keep it off as well. this is a good thing, and just another reason to no beat yourself up if you have a little slide. JUST KEEP TRYING!!!! tho more you try, they more that will "click." i feel like im starting to click. i wasnt very sore after body pump saturday. i thought it would be worse, so i think nextr weekend i need to up my weights a little. i was going to take today off, but 90 minute yoga class was calling me. its so relaxing and stretchy and it just plain old feels good. i figured that even if today was supposed to be my day off, if i wanted to go to yoga ten i should. just the same with two work outs in one day. if i want to, if im feeling up to it, then i should go. i dont want to view the gym as something i have to do, to just get it over with. i want it to be something i want to do, somthing i think is fun. and it is getting that way, you know. really, it is. i can run for a half hour without walking at all now. i can enjoy a 90 minute yoga class and want to be there. i can do things i never thought were possible, and all because i KEEP TRYING!

i know now that excersize isnt the issue for me, i enjoy being more active. i like sweating and feeling like i just accomplished something great. its the food that ruins it all. if i could just learn to make better decisions and tell myself NO when i want to slide through the drivethrough and get a massive order of fries. i have to figure out how to get past the binges and the cravings and learn to make healthier choices. my body is a machine and it needs proper fuel. if you dont give it good fuel, it wont react the way you want it to. so today i am trying a new thing. today i am all for substitutions and prepackages portions. im not going to deny myself potato chips anymore, because it just doesnt work. im going to make sure that i have small preportioned single use containers of the things i crave so that when i do go for them, i dont over do it. i bought some single serving 150 cal chips yesterday. i can only have one. it seems to be just fine. we'll see how this works.

i am also taking my alli religiously. it really does help i think. i like that it keeps me from overdoing it. im so scared of the treatment effects that i keep my distance from fatty fried foods and adding too much oil to the stuff i make at home. i have been managing to take off two lbs a week since i restarted. im doing good. i just dont want to lose momentum now.

Alton Brown is trying to kill me!!!

with pancakes. sweet, fluffy, slightly rubbery pancakes. wholesome american pancakes. its my vice. my F.O.C. if you will. so tell me, what right does this skinny SOB have to make a whole show about making and eating pancakes? NOTHING! he just knows that i love them so he seeks out the camera with his maple sugar smile and taunts me on cable tv. here i was, minding my own beeswax and then i hear the word "sugarbush" and it got my total attention. Any one who knows me, knows that i have a serious maple syrup problem. seriously, i need to be checked into the betty crocker for full on maple detox and 12 step. I can do shots of it. it haunts me in my sleep. pancakes are but the vessel for my syrup love. nothing quite shows off the smokey warm flavor of the maple syrup then the wonderfully sponginess of the perfect pancake. and good syrup is like fine wine. virgin maple forrest (sugarbush) is rare and dissapearing at an alarming rate, hence the steep pricetag of pure maple syrup. mark once took me to a virgin sugarbush for a chance to watch the process of maple sugaring firsthand, and of course eat some major pancakes. a virgin forrest is one that hasnt been logged and replanted. its ecology is so delicate we werent allowed to veer from the walking path because our weighed down footprints could destroy a small nemetoad that has its nessesary place in the trees food chain. if a tree falls, they leave it alone. its amazing. i have tastes maple sap in the raw. water. it tasted as pure as water. whomever thought boiling it to make it condense was a GENIUS! okay so enough of the lesson. whichever one of you comes up with the best VEGAN pancake recipe, tell me what you need, and i'll trade you. no dont, my diet is going so well. DAMN THAT ALTON BROWN!!!

its been a while....

just checking to see if anyone is out there.

i havent posted in a while. it hasnt been good. its been stagnet. worse then stagnet, its been slovenly. with that said, i am ashamed.

but another hurdle down, another to go. i bought a car today. its a major hunk of shit, but its my hink of shit. know what i mean? this car doesnt even have a radio, just a big hole in the dash with wires sticking out. hey, but you know the heat works, right?

anyways, times are a changing, and watch out world, im baaaaaaack!!!

turkey derby

just wanted to give y'all my race results. i didnt come in last in my age group! i thought my time was worse then this, but apparently i did better then i thought i did. maybe i was looking at the second set of numbers when i crossed the finish line. anyways, im super proud of myself, because when i started this running thing 4 months ago, i was 40 lbs heavier and my time for a 5k was 1hr 11 mins. so its a heck of an improvement!
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Gold's Gym Turkey Derby 5K Results
Congratulations Angela Maupin on finishing the Gold's Gym Turkey Derby 5K on November 27, 2008. For your records, the weather that day was sunny, 41 degrees F, calm wind.
There were 33 finishers in the Women 30 to 39 age group and 205 finishers in the 5K Run/Walk division.
Your overall finish place was 180, your age group finish place was 32 and your gender finish place was 93.
Your time 39:41.62 gave you a 12:48 pace per mile.
We look forward to seeing you at more KaleRunning timed events. For a full listing of results www.kalerunning.com.
Happy Running,
Team Kale

the angiemonsters new clothes

okay. so...

i cleaned out my closet anf got rid of anything size 16 or larger. i gave it away so i never have to look at it again. i bought new jeans, but only one pair, about 3 weeks ago, and they are too big already. they were 14s. i want to buy 12s but im scared. im scared that i will take some size 12s into the dressing room and they wont fit. i know its not that i havent changed or lost, but i have a very strange shape thats hard to fit. i have a high waist, but a short torso. my butt stickes out far (jlo with alittle more jiggle) it was that way even when i was thin. my legs are incredibly short and stumpy. but when i buy jeans to fit my ass, they are too loose at the waist and when i buy them to fit my waist, my ass looks like two hams. its discusting. so, instead im treating myself to a few new tops. i have two that are the kind that have the wide tight waistband and kind of bubble out, they both actually look good on me. then this weekend i bought a grey and white short sleave sweater with a cowl neck on it, and i plan on layering it over a turtleneck. i also bought two pairs of flats (black and brown.) and some tights. but thats all im buying because i dont want to spend any more money on clothes when im just not going to beable to fit it in a few months.

im also excited about going to phoenix in dec. it gives me another goal to look forward to. i love spending time with my parents. i wish markie could come but school and work are really pressing him and he needs to stay focused right now. he did promise to come to the family reunion. im holding it to him. he is also going to run with me in the turkey derby and he has been going to the gym pretty faithfully for the last couple of weeks. i think its helping him alot. it makes me happy to see him so happy. on days when we go to the gym together its like having my own cheering section, even when i dont see him. im so proud of him for making the effort. boy, im super in love with markie.

oh, im in the low 180's right now and i can just feel the 170's around the corner.

just in case you were wondering

i hit 189 today.

pardon my french but...

FUCK YEAH!